


always, with undying love, yours

by slackeuse



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Best Friends to Lovers, Fake Dating, M/M, To All The Boys I've Loved Before AU, a hint of winkdeep, college au of sorts, featuring love letters to minhyun seongwoo jisung jaehwan and jihoon, how many tropes can i fit into this, older brother!sungwoon, past 2park
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-06-30 02:13:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15742047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slackeuse/pseuds/slackeuse
Summary: The love letters Daniel wrote to his high school crushes were never meant to be sent, especially not the one he wrote to his older brother's fiancé, but they were. Now he has to convince his older brother's fiancé he's definitely not in love with him by pretending to be in love with someone else who wasn't supposed to see his love letter, his best friend Jihoon.aka To All The Boys I've Loved Before au





	1. January

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astromantic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astromantic/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp it's late and i'm really sorry but this little idea became a whole ass idea and now it's a chaptered beast that i can barely contain. so here's the the start of what i hope will be everything you wanted.

_I already love you in your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that which is eternal_  
_and ever previous – your heat, your soul. Beauty one could get to know and fall in love with_  
_in one hour and cease to love it as speedily; but the soul one must learn to know. Believe me,_  
_nothing on earth is given without labour, even love, the most beautiful and natural of feelings._  
Leo Tolstoy to Valeria Arsenev (November, 1856)

When his mom calls, he doesn’t think much of it.

“I’m doing a deep clean of the house,” she says, as she always does on the first of the new year. “Is there anything in particular you’d like me to keep while I’m going through your room?”

He doesn’t remember the shoebox in his closet full of letters he wrote to all the boys and girls he liked when he was young and dumb because it’s been five years since he moved out with his brother and he hadn’t thought of that box since this time last year. So he tells her, “Nothing I can think of.”

“Just let me know if you do think of something. Also, I’m going to buy tickets for us to visit your brother during his spring break. Is there anyone I should buy an extra ticket for? A girlfriend? A boyfriend? A secret someone you’re seeing that you’d like me to meet sometime soon but it’s still too soon to mention them to me?”

“…There is no one like that, Mom.” He pinches his nose.

“Okay, okay. Sure thing, dear. I’m just saying, if you want to bring someone, let me know.”

“I will, I will.” Of course, he’s not going to have a someone to bring, but for his mother’s sake, he maintains in his own mind that if he _did_ have a someone, that he would definitely bring that someone. Even though he knows he wouldn’t. Even though he knows how unlikely it is that he’ll ever have a someone.

They end their call with an exchange of _I love you_ and Daniel pretty much forgets everything about it immediately until the following week when Minhyun comes over with a bag of groceries for dinner in hand looking every bit the businessman that he is in a sharp black suit, crisp black tie. Daniel isn’t sure how he manages to look good _every_ day. Or at least every day he sees him.

“I brought over some things for dinner,” Minhyun says as he sets the bag down on the counter. “I don’t like the idea of you surviving completely on a ramen and jelly diet, though I know your brother finds that hilarious.”

Daniel grins. “Sungwoon hyung knows it’s a perfectly fine diet, that’s all. But thank you. I love it when you cook for me. Who wouldn’t want Hwang Minhyun to cook them dinner, even if they’d prefer ramen?”

“Which is why I just got you ramen.” Minhyun starts taking out the contents of the bag. He got some fancy ramen noodles and some things to put in the ramen. He also takes out two different plastic containers that Daniel recognizes are from Minhyun’s place. “Good ramen. I made up some of the broth a week ago so this’ll go pretty quick.”

It does go quick. These moments they share together only serve to remind Daniel that Minhyun is his brother’s fiancé even though Minhyun was Daniel’s friend first, that Daniel had liked him first, that maybe even Minhyun had liked Daniel first. But it was Sungwoon who had made the first move and Daniel is happy for them. More than happy. They’re good together in the ways that Minhyun and Daniel might not have been. And now that he’s had a few years watching them be in love, Daniel’s pretty sure that crush he had on Minhyun wasn’t something that would’ve endured.

He doesn’t dwell on the reasons why though.

Minhyun ends up spending the night (like usual), using Sungwoon’s bed as his own. Although Minhyun would only admit it as a joke, Daniel is pretty sure Minhyun misses Sungwoon so much that he chooses to sleep in his bed just to pretend he’s near. Daniel doesn’t mind his brother’s room being occupied every once in a while because he gets lonely with Sungwoon around sometimes, too. Mornings like these are especially nice when he can hear Minhyun open his door and head to the bathroom for a shower.

Usually Daniel would drift back to sleep because he doesn’t have class until noon, but he hears a knock at the door. Since Minhyun can’t get it, he has to roll out of bed in his boxers and try to rub the sleep out of his eyes before he opens the door.

It’s Jihoon. With a tray of coffees in one hand and a letter in his other. The return address clearly says Kang Daniel on it in his mother’s writing. He is not breathing.

That is a love letter he wrote Jihoon in high school right before he started dating Woojin that – fuck it all – might still describe how he feels now about his best friend.

“You’re in trouble,” Jihoon says.

“Oh, fuck me.” Daniel grabs the envelope from Jihoon’s hand. “Did you read this?” He turns it over, sees the envelop has been opened. He wants to scream, but he slaps a hand over his mouth while he mutters, “Oh, god, you did.” He looks at Jihoon.

“Of course I did,” Jihoon says. He pushes past Daniel into his apartment. “I brought your favorite. And I brought one for Minhyun hyung too in case—I hear the shower. So he is here. Well, he probably hasn’t gotten the letter yet because I don’t think your mom would’ve sent it here. She probably used the last addresses she knew, which are from high school. I’m the only one who still lives at home so I got mine first.”

Daniel could die. “I’m—” _very much still in love with you, but there’s no way you’re in love with me._ “—I wrote that letter ages ago.”

“I know. Don’t worry.” Jihoon sets the tray of coffees on the counter and takes a seat on one of the bar stools. “I vaguely remember you telling me about how you wrote love letters to all your crushes in grade school. I was a little surprised you’d written one _for me_ as well, but I’m flattered. And I don’t blame you. I’m quite the catch.”

This is Daniel’s cue to sneer just a little. While he doesn’t love that Jihoon is brushing off this love letter like it’s nothing, it does make it easier to pretend like it doesn’t still describe how he feels. “Okay, you narcissistic asshole, I get it.”

“Hey, I brought you coffee and came to warn you about your own impending doom. I’ve also come with a solution. But if you want to call me a narcissistic asshole, I can always leave Minhyun hyung’s grapefruitade in the fridge and go.” 

Daniel’s torn. However, despite popular belief, he is not stupid. The love letters getting out introduces more than just a slight potential for awkwardness between him and Jihoon. He also wrote a letter to a number of other people, many of which are still his friends to this day. Among those numbers is Minhyun.

“A solution?” Daniel asks. He takes a seat, too. Because if Minhyun gets his letter, it’d be more than awkward. If Minhyun gets his letter, it’d mean they’d have to talk about that kiss they shared right before Sungwoon asked him out. And it’d mean that Minhyun would probably tell Sungwoon, and Sungwoon had made a point to ask Daniel if he had feelings for Minhyun before he asked him out. It’d mean Sungwoon would find out he lied, find out that Daniel did like Minhyun, and maybe even think he _still_ liked him.

“You can’t let Minhyun hyung think you still like him,” Jihoon says. “You can either talk to him now and explain the situation as it is, which would be the honest thing to do. But it’d be hard. Or you could wait for him to get the letter and approach you, then tell him. Or you can just pretend like we started dating after I received my letter and then he can naturally come to the conclusion that everything you wrote in the letter stayed in the past and it can be a funny story you can tell at their wedding. Which is in a year. That you’re the best man in.”

Daniel groans. For a few reasons. He absolutely does not want to talk about this with Minhyun. He also knows fake dating the guy he’s in love with is a terrible, _terrible_ idea that is way too tempting for him to handle right now.

“I don’t know,” Daniel says. He rubs his face. “I need coffee first.”

Jihoon pops out one of the drinks from the tray and places it in front of him on the counter. “An Americano, as always.”

Damnit, Jihoon knows him so well. Daniel refuses to acknowledge the way his heart does a double take. “Thanks. I mean really. Thanks for coming over here as soon as you got the letter to talk about it.”

“What’re best friends for other than to get you out of terribly awkward situations with your older brother’s fiancé?” Jihoon smiles.

That’s when Minhyun comes out of the shower in nothing but a towel, abs slightly glistening as if he's in some soft porn. He pauses when he sees Jihoon and Daniel, and Daniel swears to god that his eyes land on the letter that’s sitting between them. “Oh, Jihoon.” He smiles. “How’re you?”

“Hey, hyung. I just stopped by to bring over some coffee on my way to class. I got you a grapefruitade, too.” Jihoon stands, looks at Daniel like he’s expecting him to do something.

Daniel stands, closes the distance between them so he can slip the letter into Jihoon’s coat pocket while also putting a hand on Jihoon’s hip because at this point there’s only one option. “Thanks for coming over.” He presses a chaste kiss to Jihoon’s temple and then decides that’s not going to cut it and presses another against his cheek.

“Of course.” Jihoon isn’t studying acting for nothing, and the way he smiles almost makes Daniel believe that he likes him back. “Call me later?”

“Will do.” Then, against his better judgment, he kisses Jihoon on the lips. He immediately regrets it because not only has he imagined what kissing Jihoon would be like for years, but also because Jihoon’s lips are soft, pliant, warm and it takes everything in him not to gently slip his tongue into his mouth, to press him against the counter and do so much more. This is the precise moment Daniel realizes he’s only wearing boxers, which means he’s pretty much naked.

Jihoon chuckles when their lips part, pats him on the cheek then glances down for only a second. “Have fun with your cold shower.” He heads toward the door and waves at Minhyun. “Have a good day, hyung.”

When the door closes behind him, Minhyun turns to Daniel and tilts his head. “I guess it’s good I used all the hot water?”

“Hyung.” Daniel knows he’s probably red, but he’s not going to give in to the teasing. “Don’t be a dick. It’s not what it looks like.”

“It’s not?” Minhyun starts getting that little smile he gets when he’s about to make Daniel regret whatever he just said. “A—”

“What I mean,” he interrupts him quickly, “is that we’re not like serious or anything yet. We’re just… you know… exploring?” He did not mean for that question mark to come out in his voice, but it does.

“Finally?” Minhyun adds with a smirk.

“Yes, hyung.” Daniel is not amused. “And now I really regret telling you that I ever liked him.”

“No, no.” Minhyun waltzes to the grapefruitade Jihoon left on the counter for him, picks it up, takes a quick sip and smiles. “Nothing to have regrets about. I’m happy for you. If you have any questions about how dating works, I’m here for you.”

“Fuck you. I’ve dated before.”

Minhyun laughs. “Okay. I’m going to get ready for work now. Have fun taking care of yourself in the shower. I’ll play some loud music.” With that, he disappears into Sungwoon’s bedroom and closes the door behind him.

Daniel isn’t sure if he hates Jihoon or Minhyun more.

 

 

Around lunch, Jihoon ends up texting him about their plans later, so when he shows up at Daniel’s door again, it’s not a surprise this time. Jihoon kisses him on the cheek with a smirk as he heads inside.

“Hey, boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” Daniel asks as he watches Jihoon take his shoes off and find the slippers Daniel bought for him when he moved in here with his brother a few years ago.

Jihoon takes the love letter out of his pocket and gives it back to Daniel. “I figured that’s the option you chose when you kissed me in front of Minhyun hyung.”

“I—Okay, that’s fair, but I’ve been thinking—”

“You’re going to grow a pair and just talk to him?”

“Not…quite.”

“So this fake dating thing is happening.”

“Y…yeah. Think so. I mean, if you’re okay with it. I know you had the idea, but maybe you’ve changed your mind? And, well…” He bites back his next words as Jihoon’s face falls a millimeter. “I just want to make sure you’re comfortable with it.”

Jihoon takes a breath as he shrugs off his jacket. He shuffles into the living room and flops down on the couch. “It’s just fake dating. What’s to be uncomfortable with?”

Daniel would be an idiot to mention Woojin and Jinyoung right now, and so he keeps his mouth shut. If Jihoon is saying he’s okay with it, then Daniel just has to trust that he is. And if that changes, then that’s fine, too. So he sits down next to him on the couch, grabs his phone from his pocket. “I have a few things that I want to talk about before we’re official and shit.”

Jihoon blinks. “Okay, go for it.”

“I wrote some things down on my phone.”  He unlocks it and finds the note he wrote for himself about this. “I think we should have a fake dating contract. To make sure we talk about what things we will do and what things we won’t do. Because we’re best friends and I don’t want that to change ever.”

“It won’t, you idiot, but fine. What’re your conditions?”

“I’m cool with kissing, like just lips. I don’t want us to be making out all over the place, though.” Because Daniel is dead ass sure that’ll just leave him even more in love once this fake dating is all over, and he’s not sure he can handle that.

Jihoon scrunches his nose. “Let me guess, no sex either? That’s the best part of being friends with benefits, hyung.” He sighs. “But fine, fine. I get it.”

“I just haven’t had a real serious relationship before and I don’t want this to … feel serious when it’s not. So yeah, no making out, no sex. That’s a hard rule.”

“Got it. Let’s not have any fun. What else?”

Daniel rolls his eyes. “We have a shitload of fun when we’re together and we don’t do any of those things. That’s not going to change because we’re fake boyfriends. Okay, yeah, I was also thinking it’d be nice if we did date-y things together sometimes. Like get lunch together on campus?”

“Cute. Okay, sure.” Jihoon cracks his neck, faces Daniel on the couch. There’s something about the way he’s pinning Daniel with a smile that makes him think Jihoon might have something up his sleeve. “Let’s go to parties together then, too. It’d look weird if I showed up alone if I’m not single.”

“I was thinking we could just stay in together and play games more often…” Daniel says, but then Jihoon’s eyebrows are halfway up his forehead. “But okay, yeah, parties, great.”

“You’ll need to post about me on your insta, too.”

Daniel scrunches his nose. “You want to be one of those couples?”

“Those are the most believable type.”

“What about Valentine’s Day, then? And White Day?” A part of him is hoping Jihoon doesn’t agree with this one.

“Let’s do it.”

“And I have one last thing.” Daniel clears his throat, puts his phone down now. “In a few months, my mom, me, and Minhyun hyung are going to be visiting my brother in New York during his spring break. My mom really wants me to bring someone. If we’re still fake dating, will you come? I know it’s—”

“Sure.” With that, Jihoon leans over and gives Daniel a peck on the lips. “So Halo?”

Daniel nearly chokes and he definitely drops his phone on the ground. He fumbles to pick it up. “Y-yeah. Yeah, of course. You wanna order out, too?”

“Yeah. I’m going to change into something more comfortable. Cool if I borrow some of your sweats?” Jihoon is getting up already because he knows Daniel won’t refuse him. Somehow, all of this feels like it’s going too fast.

Daniel just nods, takes a few steadying breaths as Jihoon crosses the apartment to Daniel’s room. He thought about what he should do all day, and all he came up with is that this is his chance. Jihoon has been single since high school, since Woojin. He’s great at mimicking a relationship but not exactly _being_ in one. If they fake date without doing all of the casual bullshit Jihoon does with everyone else he fools around with sometimes, maybe Jihoon will see that dating isn’t that bad. That, specifically, dating _Daniel_ isn’t that bad. Then while they’re in New York, he can maybe propose real dating.

Daniel has the game started by the time Jihoon is done changing. Daniel’s sweats are riding low on his hips because they’re too big for him, but he’s tucked in Daniel’s tank top so the clothes aren’t hiding his entire frame. And Jihoon’s shoulders are wide enough to fill the tank so that it doesn’t hang off him too much. It’s a fucking boyfriend look and it makes Daniel swallow hard as he forces himself not to imagine taking it all off.

Fuck it all. This was a stupid idea after all.

Jihoon takes his seat and picks up his controller to start the game. That’s when Minhyun opens the door. He doesn’t have groceries in his hand, but he does have a little envelope. After all, he still mostly lives at home when he’s not staying over in Sungwoon’s room. He looks a little surprised, especially when Jihoon shifts his legs onto Daniel’s lap.

Minhyun clears his voice a little. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Daniel, can I talk to you for a moment?” He raises the letter and his expression isn’t readable. “Maybe alone?”

Daniel can’t find the words because all he wants to do is be honest, but then there won’t be any reason to be fake dating the boy he’s been in love with for years. “S-sorry, but u-uh…”

“Hyung, we just started a game,” Jihoon says. “I was planning on spending the night so we could waste away here on the couch and forget our schoolwork for a day. Is it super important or something or do you think it could wait until after our date night—err.” He blushes as if on cue. “I mean until after our game night…”

Minhyun looks between them, then smiles and Daniel knows it’s forced. “Yeah, sure. It can wait. Daniel, let me know when you’re free?”

“Yeah, sure, hyung.” Daniel matches the smile.

“Let’s get it, Niel,” Jihoon says, then leans over and kisses Daniel’s cheek and as much as seeing Minhyun look like that hurts him, the way Jihoon is so effortlessly intimate with him is everything he’s ever wanted.

“Have a good night, you two,” Minhyun says, and then he’s gone and it’s just Jihoon and Daniel and a game of lies that may or may not pay off in the end. (When Jihoon is in his arms that night when he persuades Daniel that he should definitely spend the night and sleep in the same bed, he's damn sure it's paying off.)

 

⧖

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to say hi to me on [twt](http://twitter.com/slackeuse) or [cc](http://curiouscat.me/slackeuse)!


	2. February

_Do you not know what it is to burn and burn, and to know while burning, that you are_  
_freeing yourself from everything around you? Oh, there is no greater joy than the joy_  
_of Fire! And now let me cry out with all the voices in me that I love you._  
Kahlil Gibran to Mary Haskell (October, 1911)

 

 

For the most part, nothing has really changed since he started fake dating Jihoon. Maybe they hang out a little more often. Maybe he watches Jihoon a second longer than usual. Maybe he lets himself believe the little kisses they share when they’re in public actually mean something. Really, not much different from before (besides the kissing).

He supposes that’s the point, though. If they keep it low-key enough, when they eventually go back to just being friends, it won’t seem like a big deal to any of his friends. They won’t have gained or lost anything, so being friends still should be fine. Even if Daniel is pretty sure he’s falling harder and harder for Jihoon every day, it should be pretty easy to go back to what they were before.

But it’s hard not to imagine what it’d be like if they didn’t, especially when Jihoon shows up outside his first lecture of the day. “I’m going to walk you to your next class because we won’t see each other again until tomorrow and I might end up missing you or something,” he says, slipping his fingers between Daniel’s.

“Wouldn’t want that,” Daniel says, returning Jihoon’s smile. Because how could he not?

“Liar. You want me to miss you, which is why you decided to work on your group project today at someone else’s house instead of yours. Or the library. Or a café. Or any public place I could go to with you. Don’t think I don’t know.”

“You know where I live,” Daniel reminds him. “Just come over tonight.”

“Bold of you to assume I’d miss you that much. And I have plans with Woojin, who’s been complaining endlessly about how my new boyfriend is taking up all my time. Which is why I’m here now, holding your hand, and parading you around campus like a trophy even if the walk’s only five minutes.”

They’re five minutes Daniel will treasure, though, so he just subtly (he hopes) tugs Jihoon closer. “Why don’t I walk you all the way to your class then?”

Jihoon blinks. “That’s out of your way, though.” He checks his watch. “And you’d be late to class by like five minutes.”

“So? Five minutes isn’t a big deal.” Daniel shifts even closer and, this time, leans down so he’s at eye-level with Jihoon. “It’s the least I can do,” he says, then sneaks in a kiss to his temple and starts swinging their hands a little, an extra bit of energy added to his step.

If Jihoon was going to continue arguing, he stops himself because there’s no complaint even after they’ve passed the building Daniel’s next class is in, no complaint when they’re climbing the stairs still hand-in-hand, and no complaint when Daniel envelops him in a hug just outside the door to his classroom.

“Have a good class,” Daniel says with his chin on Jihoon’s shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Jihoon pulls away, then he sets a hand on Daniel’s chest and looks up at him. _God_ , Daniel’s heart works twice as hard under his gaze and he hopes Jihoon can’t feel it. “There’s a party later this month we should probably go to. Together. Let’s talk out details tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Usually parties don’t sound good to Daniel—at least not anymore since his freshman and sophomore years of partying every weekend are long gone and he actually wants to graduate—but going anywhere with Jihoon always sounds good to him. There’s really nothing to talk about since Daniel’s happy to do whatever Jihoon wants while this lasts.

Jihoon gives him a light shove. “Okay, get to class. Text me later.” With that, he pivots and heads inside. Daniel waits until the door closes to grumble out a sigh because he didn’t get to sneak in one last kiss.

He backtracks out of the building. He checks his watch. There’s still two minutes until his class starts. He could run and make it on time, but his heart’s still sure it’s running a marathon around Jihoon’s pinky finger so a lazy walk seems more appropriate. The professor might give him a look, but it’s college and he’s a senior and surely it’ll be fine. He’ll just make sure to seem extra attentive during lecture and maybe ask an extra question or two at the end of class. Easy.

“Daniel?” He hears his name from behind him, then hears a familiar chuckle along with the sound of footsteps quickening. A hand lands on his shoulder just as he’s turning around. It’s Seongwoo. His stomach falls. “Heading to class?”

“Y-yeah.” Then he quickly adds as he watches Seongwoo shrug off his backpack for what he can only imagine is a letter he wrote to his older friend years ago, “I’m actually going to be late, so maybe another time?”

Then there it is. Seongwoo pulls out a pink envelope. Daniel’s name and address are on the top left corner. Seongwoo’s name and home address are roughly in the middle. Both are in his mom’s handwriting. Just like the envelope Jihoon showed him a month ago. Just like the one Minhyun flashed at him the day Jihoon and he decided to do this fake-dating thing and then never brought up again (thank fuck). Over all, he’d have to say his mother has never embarrassed him more in his life.

Seongwoo waves the envelope in his face. “If you’re already late, what’s it matter much? Explain, Kang Daniel. I want to hear in your own words how much you liked me your first year of university. It’s just too adorable. Were you seriously this cute back then?”

“Yeah. Uh.” Daniel doesn’t know whether to hold his stomach to prevent it from falling out of him or put a hand over his mouth to keep his heart from flying out of it. Or to hold himself back from vomiting. Or to stop himself from saying anything stupid. “Yeah. So. My mom sent that.”

“Yeah, hand writing’s too nice to be yours, for sure.” Seongwoo chuckles, passes the envelope over to him. “You don’t feel this way still, right? That’s all that I really care about. We’re friends and I care about you a fuckload. Like more than a lot of my other friends. So I just want to make sure I’m not stomping all over your feelings over here unknowingly. We can walk and talk.”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that.” Daniel studies the envelope. He points his thumb in the direction of his class and starts heading that way with Seongwoo at his side. “I had a huge crush on you when I first met you.”

“You and everyone else who first meets me. Except Jihoon. That ass.”

Daniel grins. “Jihoon’s too good for you, that’s why.” And, yes, that ass is pretty nice.

“Say something he hasn’t told me already. So the letter. Keep going.”

Deep breath. “So I wrote a bunch of letters like this when I was younger as a way to figure out how I was feeling. It was hard to put into words back then and I was honestly a little confused about what I was even feeling? And for who? So I just wrote it all down, didn’t address them or anything, and put them in a shoe box to never see the light of day.”

“Except that’s not what happened,” Seongwoo points out. “Holy shit. How many of these have you written? Did they all get sent? Who sent them?”

“A lot. A _lot_. I mean less in the last few years.” Because really only one person has been in his mind. Despite himself, he pulls the letter out and, as he continues, skims through his cringeworthy teenage confession, “I think they were all sent, yeah. Based on my mom’s contact book. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but she asked me like a few weeks ago if there was anything I wanted to keep while she was winter cleaning. She thought they were thank you cards I’d just never sent, so she took it upon herself to make sure I didn’t put shame on the family. Or something. Wow, this is so bad.”

Seongwoo gives him a hearty pat on the back. “Yeah, but it’s still adorable. Thanks for liking me, I guess. So let me think, out of everyone I know, you probably wrote letters to Minseok hyung, Jisung hyung, and Jonghyun for sure. And—oh. Dear god. Daniel, did you write one to Minhyun?”

Daniel clears his throat. “I wish I could say no.”

“ _Wow_.” Seongwoo stops at the front door of the building. “ _Wow_. Okay, that’s not good. You wrote it before Sungwoon hyung started dating him, right?” He pulls open the door for Daniel.

“Yeah, way before.” When Daniel heads in, Seongwoo follows him. They head up the stairs to the second floor where Daniel’s class is. “I definitely don’t feel that way about him anymore.”

“You should just tell him it’s from a while ago. Unless you still feel that way?”

“No, no.” He stops a few meters away from his class and stuffs his hands into his pockets. “I just don’t want him to feel awkward. He still comes over all the time, and I think it’s because he misses Sungwoon hyung and being around his stuff and staying in his room maybe feels like they’re closer somehow. And I don’t want him to feel like he can’t do that. So I’ve just been hoping we just mutually decide to ignore the letter and never talk about it ever.”

“He’d understand, though,” Seongwoo points out. And Daniel knows he’s right. “And if he didn’t, I’d talk to him.”

“But there’s also Sungwoon hyung… How do I explain all this to him? It’s just a lot and he’s already stressed in grad school.”

After all, there’s a lot to explain. First, he’ll have to come clean about when exactly he started to have a crush on Minhyun, and that’s just embarrassing since it was basically crush at first sight. Minhyun was his bisexual awakening his first year of high school. Then, he’d have to admit to befriending Minhyun because he thought he was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen in his life and that all the times he was just being a good friend actually had some sort of ulterior motives to the tune of _maybe he’ll like me back and date me and we can live happily ever after together like in the movies?_

Although he’d like to leave out the part where he all but confessed to Minhyun right before his brother left for college, deciding instead to show him with a kiss how he felt then running away to avoid any possible rejection. Which, of course, came not too much later. Because the next day, Sungwoon had invaded his room in the name of brother bonding time and asked the question he’d dreaded the most: did he like Minhyun?

He’d lied, and then Sungwoon had spent the next hour waxing poetic about all the things Daniel also loved about Minhyun. A week later, they were officially dating and Sungwoon had moved out to a studio closer to campus and Daniel was heartbroken. But that had been only until he’d met Jihoon for the first time, a second year who'd just transferred to his high school. Daniel still isn’t sure how they’d became friends so quickly when it seemed like everyone at the time had been fighting for Jihoon’s attention, but he’s thankful.

Especially right now, since Jihoon is attempting to save his ass from having to explain all this to Minhyun and Sungwoon. Even though he knows, at the end of the day, they’d understand if he did. He knows deep down that nothing would get uncomfortable or awkward with them, or if it did, it’d just be for a moment. Sungwoon might be his step brother, but they’re family through and through. And Minhyun is an extension of that.

But if he tells them, then what’s the point of fake-dating Jihoon?

Seongwoo studies him for a while, and a part of Daniel is nervous he’ll call him out for being stupid about this whole thing, call him out for what Daniel knows are just excuses. But he just shrugs and goes in for a hug. “Okay. I guess that’s that. Get to class already. Let’s meet up soon though?”

“For sure.” He gives Seongwoo a squeeze because fuck if he doesn’t appreciate him and his support. “See you later.”

He waves him off, then Daniel heads into class. He cowers under the glare his professor gives him, and he finds out he read the wrong week’s readings so he can’t even make up for his tardiness by being a super attentive student.

But he remembers the feeling of Jihoon’s palm against his sternum and the way his heart felt like it was reaching out to meet his touch and he focuses on trying to remember this feeling even past the expiry date on their relationship.

 

 

Daniel knows that usually girls give chocolate on Valentine’s Day, but that doesn’t stop him from buying a home-made chocolate kit from the grocery store on his way home and doesn’t stop him from texting Jihoon that he’s busy even though it’s a Monday night.

  

 

 

> **my hoonie❤**  
>  wdym you’re busy hyung …  
>  it’s a monday of all days? who in  
>  their right mind is ever busy on  
>  a Monday? ffs if you’re ghosting  
>  me this early in our relationship  
>  i will have woojin kill you with  
>  his bare triple jointed hands

 

It takes all his willpower not to just tell Jihoon he’s making him chocolates, but wouldn’t that ruin the surprise tomorrow? And he already knows Jihoon is going to tease the shit out of him, so it’s better to keep it a secret for as long as possible as well.

  

 

 

> **Daniel**  
>  i’m a terrible boyfriend but i’ve  
>  just got a lot of school work and  
>  we both want me to graduate on  
>  time so pls forgive me this once  
>  ?? i promise i’ll make it up to you  
>  later with food❤

  

 

 

> **my hoonie❤**  
>  … okay fine  
>  but only bc i’m a good boyfriend

 

He can’t stop his smile, can’t stop the way his heart feels like it fills his entire chest, can’t help that his mind clings to the word boyfriend as if it actually means something. Because for this moment, it does. At least to him. Jihoon isn’t calling anyone boyfriend except for him, even if it’s fake. Just Daniel.

This is the precise moment Minhyun’s laughter cuts through his thoughts. “Wait,” Minhyun says as he drops everything he has on the counter and digs into his pocket. “Don’t move. I need to take a picture of this for Sungwoon. His baby brother is blushing in a spiderman apron with a Valentine’s chocolate kit open in front of him. If I knew you’d be like this while dating, I would’ve set you up so much sooner.”

“What? No.” Daniel stuffs the instructions into the box and closes it. “I’m not blushing. And what’s wrong with my spiderman apron? And—” He stops himself from saying _we’re not dating_ because that’s definitely not part of the plan. He hangs his head and whines, “Hyung.”

“Okay, okay. Fine. You can stop hiding now. Let me put my coat away.”

When Daniel hears Minhyun retreating from the kitchen, he finally looks up. “Please don’t send anything to Sungwoon hyung. I haven’t told him yet…”

Minhyun raises his eyebrows over his shoulder then disappears around the corner to the entryway, where he opens the hallway closet and hangs up his jacket. “You’re kidding, right? He’s going to love that you’re dating. And he’s going to love that it’s Jihoon. He loves Jihoon.”

“Don’t remind me.” Daniel opens the kit again and takes out the directions once more to read them over. “Maybe that’s why I thought I’d make him chocolates.”

“Solidify yourself as the girlfriend?”

“Something like that. Is it stupid? This is stupid, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely.” Minhyun picks up his groceries again, this time rounding the counter so he can put them away. His back is to Daniel now as he stocks up Daniel’s cupboards first. “But it’s very you. Why not go for it? Worst case scenario, he’ll love teasing you for it. Best case scenario, he’ll love teasing you for it and love that you did it, too.”

Daniel surveys Minhyun as he talks. It’s been a little over a month since his mom sent out those letters. He’s had a few people approach him about it, including Jihoon and Seongwoo. Minhyun had tried that one day, but Jihoon had managed to get him out of explaining everything in that moment. And Minhyun hasn’t brought it up since, which means Jihoon’s fake-dating plan may have actually worked to dissipate any awkwardness without the need to explain the whole thing.

That doesn’t stop Daniel from wanting to tell Minhyun every time he sees him, though.

“And,” Minhyun adds, turning around and leaning against the counter now, “you and Jihoon look good together. You two _are_ good together. I was a little surprised when you two swapped saliva in front of me a while ago, but it does just make sense. You’ve liked him for a while, right?”

Daniel contemplates lying, but he’s already got enough lies to keep track of so he goes for the truth. “Since third year in high school. When he first transferred, I knew I wanted to get to know him better. Even though BoA seonsaeng-nim wanted to make us rivals on the dance team. Even despite our age difference. There was just something about him that sorta drew me in.” _Kinda like you_ , Daniel thinks but doesn’t say. He grins.

“What made you finally start dating?” Minhyun now reaches back into the bags to put the rest of the groceries into the refrigerator.

“You,” Daniel lets slip, then quickly covers himself. “And Sungwoon hyung.”

Finally finished putting the groceries away, Minhyun stands and faces Daniel. He’s smiling in that doting, loving brotherly way that for a while made Daniel feel so fucking guilty for ever liking him in the first place. “You should really tell him. He worries, even if it doesn’t seem like he does. He said you two haven’t even exchanged a real text conversation in weeks.”

“O-oh.” Well, that was because he was exchanging messages with Jihoon as much as possible or otherwise thinking about Jihoon and whether this fake-dating could ever be real. Which has been so he could _avoid_ talking to his brother about all of this. Surely, one sentence into telling Sungwoon about his new relationship with Jihoon and the truth would just spill out of him.

“Oh?”

Daniel chooses this moment to actually start on the chocolates. He takes out the ingredients in the kit—dark chocolate and heavy cream for the truffles and cocoa powder, sprinkles, and hazelnuts for the toppings—and grabs the utensils he’ll need from various drawers and cabinets. “Uh. I’ve been busy. I’m graduating this year so I’m trying to be a good student and shit. And dating is sorta time consuming? And Sungwoon hyung is also so busy so… Yeah.”

He’s saved by a knock on the door. Minhyun says he’ll get it, so Daniel starts on the first step in the instructions for _Failproof Chocolate Truffle aka The Easiest, Simplest Method_ : finely chopping the chocolate with a (preferably serrated) knife and transfer the bits into a bowl. Easy.

“Chocolates, huh?” Jihoon asks from beside Minhyun.

“Yeah, for Valentine’s Day,” Daniel answers as he chops, then he pauses. “Wait.”

Minhyun mouths, ‘Sorry.’

“You really thought I’d say 'okay fine' and leave it at that?” Jihoon shrugs off his backpack and sets it on the small dining room table that separates the kitchen from the living room.

“Um. Yeah.”

Then Jihoon does the last thing Daniel expects. He walks up right behind him and slides his arms around his waist. “Oh. Whoops.” He rests his cheek between his shoulder blades. “Are these for me?”

Daniel sighs because there’s no use hiding it now. “They were supposed to be a surprise, Jihoon. We did say we’d do Valentine’s and White Day, so I figured I’d sacrifice myself to your teasing first.”

“That usually means going on a date,” Jihoon says, still hugging Daniel from behind. “Right, Minhyun hyung?”

Minhyun chuckles. “It doesn’t have to be, but yeah. It’s more something you do in high school or for colleagues, maybe. Are you staying the night, Jihoon?”

“As long as Niel’s okay with me borrowing some pajamas.”

“Of course,” Daniel says. “Always. Anytime.” Especially when he calls him _Niel_ like that. His heart can’t take this for much longer, especially with Jihoon’s arms around him like this. What kingdom did he save in his past life to have this happen to him today? He really needs to thank himself for that.

Finally, Jihoon pulls away. He jumps up on the counter to sit instead. “Thanks.” He smiles, and before Daniel knows it, he’s leaning over to sneak a kiss on Jihoon's cheek because he can and because he’s dumb in love.

“You’re welcome.” He turns back to his chopping. “I know I’m not exactly new to this dating thing, but—”

“You are,” Jihoon says, not skipping a beat.

“Okay, fine,” Daniel concedes. “Whatever. I’m new to it. So I’m sorry if I suck a little bit, but I promise I’ll make up for whatever I do wrong.”

Jihoon steals a chunk of the chopped chocolate. “I’m not worried, though? Everything has a learning curve, really. Every relationship is different. I’ve dated before, but.” Jihoon looks away, lets a bit of air hiss past his teeth. It’s always hard to see Jihoon talk about Woojin and Jinyoung, not only because they’re his exes but also because the way the relationships ended wasn’t fair. To anyone. “Well. I don’t want this to go like those ones. So.”

“It won’t.”

“You can’t know that.”

Daniel grits his teeth for a second against saying _it won’t_ again because Jihoon’s not wrong. But still. He finishes chopping and transfers the chunks to a bowl. The instructions say to heat the cream in the microwave next, so he puts the carton in and sets it for thirty seconds. “I’m glad you’re not worried about us, though.”

“Why would I be? I know you. I know why you’ve had a hard time dating all this time, and so I guess all I really need to show you that we won’t, you know, be like that.”

“Like my parents?” Daniel glances at Jihoon. He forces a smile “You can’t know that, either.”

Jihoon’s mouth falls open a little at that. The microwave dings when it’s done, and Daniel takes out the cream and begins pouring it over the chocolate.

“It’s hard,” Minhyun says, and Daniel realizes he even forgot he was still there. “Relationships are really hard, and you’ve both been through a lot. But doesn’t that make it easier for you to understand each other? I’m going to take a quick shower and do a little bit of work. I’ll make dinner in like an hour or two?”

“Sounds good, hyung.” Jihoon gives him a grin, but Daniel can tell it’s not something he’s feeling. Maybe this isn’t the conversation they should be having the day before Valentine’s.

When Minhyun has disappeared into the bathroom, Daniel says, “Sorry. You’re right. Every relationship is different. Just because my parents got divorced doesn’t mean all of my relationships won’t work out. My mom and my dad both started new lives, after all. My mom is, at least, happy. And I got Sungwoon hyung out of it, too. I just…”

He trails off, not sure how to continue. He half-expects Jihoon to pick up on what he’s saying and add something himself, but he doesn’t. He just sits there, watching Daniel, waiting patiently for him to chase down his thoughts and wrangle together the right words. It takes him a while because by the time he gets back to the chocolate, he’s almost let it sit for too long because it’s a bit stiff when he goes to whisk it according to the instructions. Or maybe that was because he forgot to cover it?

“...I guess what really bothered me about my parents divorce was my dad,” Daniel says. He concentrates on the chocolate because, he realizes belatedly, he’s never actually said anything of this aloud to anyone. “I know that if I’d gone with my dad, my mom would’ve kept in contact with me and visited me and still been part of my life. But my dad? He basically disappeared. He remarried, restarted his life with new kids to love instead of me. I was still pretty young, I guess. But it was really hard. It’s been hard. I still sorta hope he’ll call me and ask to catch up. I mean, I did up until more recently. I think I’ve lost that hope now. It’s just been too long.”

“What he did wasn’t fair. And it’s not your fault. But I get it.” When Daniel chances a glance at him, Jihoon is staring off, probably not really seeing anything at all. Daniel finds it hard to breathe, finds it hard to look away from this rare vulnerable expression of his that communicates just how hurt he still is. “It sucks to have people just vanish from your life.”

Oh, no. No.

“Jihoon—”

“I can’t begin to understand what it’s like to have my parents divorce and my dad walk away from me,” he says, pressing on despite Daniel’s interjection. “I wish I’d been able to be there for you back then, too. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Are still going through it.”

Okay, maybe he’s fine. Maybe he’s not relating this to Woojin and Jinyoung. Daniel sets aside his bowl (he’s probably going to have to use the backup kit he bought after all) and steps in front of Jihoon. He puts his hands on his thighs, then decides to get a little courageous and slide his hands up the outside seams of his jeans all the way to Jihoon’s hips, seeing if Jihoon will let him pull his legs apart just enough so he can fit between them against the counter. He does.

“Just promise me you won’t leave me after all this,” Daniel says, not more than a whisper. He can’t bring himself to say it louder because that’d be facing he reality that it _will_ be over. By definition. Fake dating isn’t meant to last forever, isn’t supposed to lead to marriage or everlasting love or death til they part.

“I won’t.” In turn, Jihoon loosely fists the front of Daniel’s shirt just above the counter between his thighs. “No matter what, we are always going to be Daniel and Jihoon, best friends since I was seventeen and the new kid in school.”

At that, Daniel grins. He knows this is where he should be promising that he won’t be another person Jihoon loses, either, won’t be another tragedy to add to Jihoon’s brokenness, but he doesn’t say a thing. Instead, he presses his lips to Jihoon’s softly, holds it for one skipped heartbeat too long, and hopes Jihoon knows that Daniel meant that earlier _I won’t_.

Jihoon is flushing by the time Daniel pulls away. Which makes it hard for Daniel not to capture his lips again and really kiss him. “Uh,” Jihoon says, now shifting his focus elsewhere. Jihoon is flustered, which is a victory in Daniel's eyes. One step closer to making Jihoon fall madly in love with him, right? “Minhyun hyung’s still in the shower. We don’t have to kiss when it’s just us two.”

“I know.” Daniel slides his hands to the small of Jihoon’s back now. Jihoon’s eyes flutter shut for a moment. “But your lips are awfully nice, so I figured why not? Our contract doesn’t say I can’t.”

“Our contract doesn’t say we can’t do a lot of things.” Finally, Jihoon’s eyes meet Daniel’s again. He’s biting his bottom lip. It’s a sign of danger, but he’s not able to prepare himself in time. Jihoon releases his grip on Daniel’s shirt from counter-height, only to replace it with a real grip on his shirt just below his collar. He yanks him closer. “Like this.”

This is when Jihoon starts tracing Daniel’s lips with his tongue, then proceeds to plant small kisses on the corners of his mouth, then just to the side of his chin on his jaw, then just below his eye. His moles. Jihoon is kissing his fucking moles.

“Or this.” Now Jihoon is pulling Daniel even closer, taking one of his earrings between his teeth and tugging, gently, before pressing kisses down his neck.

Sweet fuck. What did he get himself into?

Daniel can’t get himself to move away, though, even as his pants start to get uncomfortably tight. He can’t believe it only took this much to get him in this state. That’s so unfair. “You’re the worst, Jihoon. The absolute worst. Why did I ever agree to this in the first place?”

Jihoon releases his grip on Daniel’s shirt. He’s flushing, but he’s also got a cheeky grin. He’s fucking _proud_ of himself. “Don’t know. Why did you?”

Because he’s helplessly in love with Jihoon, that’s why.

 

 

⧖

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me two months to update but i hope this will satisfy until the next update! (ESP FOR LINA)
> 
> as always, feel free to bug me on [twt](http://twitter.com/slackese) or [cc](http://curiouscat.me/slackeuse).


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